December 18th is the feastday of St. Rufus and St. Zosimus. Originally from Antioch (where they make the holy hand grenades), these dudes were martyred via wild beast consumption in Rome. If you feel you have heard of a more badass set of bro names than “Rufus and Zosimus,” you are wrong. Anyway, I once took on course on medieval mystical women’s literature and learned that gaining sainthood rather resembles the process for getting an NEA grant. As with artists, your body of work has to sit well with the current administration (if your visions make the folks in power uncomfortable, you are not a saint—you are a heretic. Although that unfortunate situation worked out pretty well for Jesus, ultimately, what with his own religion and all). You have to walk on the right side of the line between Divine Gift and unfettered mental illness (we get fewer saints these days due to anti-psychotic drugs). And you have to get your work documented by the right people, whether that’s art enthusiasts or members of the clergy—both sainthood and grant applications involve a great deal of paperwork.
Today is the 18th so go lift a glass for Rufus and Zosimus because they died for something they believed in, and what they believed in wasn’t totally stupid (I’m pro Jesus), and toast their dedication. Or maybe just eat some toast, seeing as it is a feastday.
Here’s the second best Rufus-based name combo: