As of October 30, I have gone 30 days without caffeine. Victory is mine! I’ve replaced any form of liquid caffeine with herbal teas, and haven’t done anything athletic in October that would require downing a caffeinated gel. To celebrate, I had a cup of decaf from 7-11, which I assume has some residual caffeine in it, but I figured I could handle it. Nope. Here’s what happened. Just as always on a day when I’ve had even the smallest amount of caffeine, around 5:00 my system began demanding more in the form of chocolate. It was all I could think about on the bus ride home. How much chocolate should I buy? What kind? Should I get plain dark chocolate, or dark chocolate with something in it, like sea salt or dried cherries? It has to be as dark k as possible so I get the biggest hit of caffeine, so maybe I should get the 70% cocoa one, or the 85%? Should I get 2 bars, so I could eat one in the morning? STOP IT, I told myself. WE’RE NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE. Because if I give in and have some chocolate at 5:00, I’ll just be needing more at 9:00. And then I’m not in charge anymore—the caffeine is.
This marvelous image to the right is from artist Suzi Blu. In her blog entry where she introduced this painting, she gave this description of it:
Sometimes that which is bad for us appears charming. Devils can be people or they can be caffeine or ciggarettes or watching TV endlessly when you’re not enjoying it. This is my interpretation of hell – doing something that is not loving toward ourselves because we cant seem to do anything else. Its hard to break away from old patterns. But we can!
You are so much more than you believe yourself to be!
We all can resist Devils when they come courting at our door!
Isn’t that a perfectly apt depiction of the hell we make for ourselves? I’m going to keep resisting that devil, I’ll tell you what.