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GQ’s 25 Austin Tourist Spots, Disputed Point by Point

GQ has published a city guide for tourists visiting Austin, highlighting 25 places to go. Sadly, GQ has picked an awful lot of obvious spots. Here are my suggestions for each of theirs.

GQ Roof Pig
Franklin BBQ Ruby’s BBQ—Ruby’s is a one-room BBQ join that’s been steeping in smokey goodness for umpteen years, so just stepping inside is a treat. Also, you don’t have to wait in line 2 hours for your chow.
Heywood Hotel Hotel San Jose—Gorgeous, serene, next to Jo’s Coffee.
Stag Provisions for Men Cabela’s—Cheaper, manlier, and hipster-free
Hotel Saint Cecilia The Driskill—Saint Cecilia looks nice, but the bar in the Driskill has saddles on bar stools AND is just as lovely and ornate as when it was built in 1886.
Uchiko Whatever; I don’t eat sushi. But I hear the best place for Austin sushi is a hole-in-a-strip-mall-wall on South 1st just north of William Cannon.
Easy Tiger Wait, this place is a beer garden that makes its own pretzels? I gotta check this out.
Lick Honest Ice Creams Amy’s—Just go to Amy’s! I’ve never seen them toss scoops up in the air and catch ‘em in cones at Lick (although Lick does have rad flavors).
Hole in the Wall Saxon Pub has great bands and fewer UT students.
Kerbey Lane Café Magnolia Café—Magnolia has superior pancakes and less attitude.
Weather Up Cocktail, schmocktail; just grab a margarita at El Mercado. Free appetizer bar!
La Condesa Trudy’s—You want Mexican? Go to Trudy’s.
Uncommon Objects For antiques, head out to Elgin or some other little Texas town, then drive back through Elgin to get some BBQ.
Houndstooth Coffee Once Over Coffee—insanely delicious dark roast AND the world’s smallest dog park out front
Omni Barton Creek Resort & Spa Whatever; golf is dumb. Go ride your bike.
Waterloo Records Now that Cheapo is gone, Waterloo is almost all we have left. It does have a great selection.
Thundercloud Subs Thundercloud is great for subs, but Beets Café has far healthier, raw fare.
Rainey Street Just thinking about trendy-hot-hip-happening areas makes me tired. Maybe I am old?
Umlauf Sculpture Garden Try the greenbelt for stacked rock sculptures; I don’t know who makes them, but they are amazingly resilient.
BookPeople Got me there, GQ; BookPeople is a staggeringly great book store.
Tamale House East Blue Dahlia—now there’s a patio you could spend the rest of your life in, especially at their happy hour prices.
The White Horse Tavern Another eastside bar, GQ? Really? We have 3 other sides: north, south, and west. We have other areas of town to go to. Try Moontower Saloon down south, the Goodnight up north.
Catch a Show Go camping instead. Inks Lake, maybe?
Hotel San Jose OK, this is coming around in a circular fashion.
Alamo Drafthouse Another winner, actually. Every town should have a movie theater/restaurant.
Barley Swine Shady Grove—because gourmet food is gross, and Shady Grove is not.

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