Tag Archive | twitter

20 Commandments

So, God is on Twitter, and here’s what God tweeted today: God ‏@TheTweetOfGod THE NEW 10 COMMANDMENTS 1 Laugh. 2 Read. 3 Say please. 4 Floss. 5 Doubt. 6 Exercise. 7 Learn. 8 Don’t hate. 9 Cut the bullshit. 10 Chill. An excellent list! I like this very much, and decided to create a supplementary list […]

25 Christmas Tweets

John Fugelsang This Dec, the GOP demanded a) Tax cuts for the wealthiest b) Less benefits for the needy c) Keep Christ in Christmas. Jess Dweck Shit, I forgot to write “Happy Birthday” on Jesus’ Facebook page. Sam Grittner Freebasing oxy with a gardener named Jesus in a Pottery Barn. #blessed Jim Hamilton I saw […]

24 Sharknado Tweets

My seasonal gift to you! I celebrated Christmas Eve by watching Sharknado with my brother, sister, and daughter. It was the best; I highly recommend this new tradition to all. And now, to the mockery. Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt Just got a call from the 2nd A.D. on the movie I’m filming. Call time canceled tomorrow. […]

31 Seasonally Delightful Tweets

Michael Ian Black ‏@michaelianblack Christ may have risen but I haven’t gotten my ass off the couch for nine hours Ugh: I hid three dozen raw eggs in the house last night after taking Ambien and now I can’t find them. Mary Charlene so far no one has commented on the fact that my Easter bonnet […]

13 Delightful Dispatches from the Hashtag #CandyHeartRejects

#CandyHeartRejects Ben Schwartz Call Me Ishmael Michael Ian Black ‏@michaelianblack P ON U Hep-C U Soon Gabe Delahaye ‏@gabedelahaye Love, Dad BE MEIN – LUV HITLER greg mottola ‏@gregmottola HUNT U 4 SPORT BE MY ROCK BOTTOM John Moe ‏@johnmoe I AM A CANDY HEART, REJECTED DESPITE MY OBVIOUS SENTIENCE. I FEAR I HAVE DIED […]